The Silverpaw Show!
by Zixes
Summary: Silverpaw's ridiculous and pointless adventures before she became Silverstream. Based on "The Pinestep Show", but not a gameshow. It's really bad, just tell me what I could do to improve it. (it's also purposely meant to be bad, but if it's that horrible, let me know) *plays Dr Phil transitioning theme song* Please leave a review and give me some ideas so I can continue the series!
1. The Characters

**Hey guys, This is the page where I list the characters. STORIES ARE OVER THE PAGE DON'T GO. Hope you enjoy the series!**

 **Silverpaw:**

 **She's the younger version of Sliverstream, kinda small for a RiverClan cat.**

 **Flamepaw:**

 **Her annoying stalker and friend from ShadowClan. He's a whack-job. He has ginger fur and usually gets all the girl apprentices, but he can't understand why Silverpaw thinks he's annoying (again, whack-job).**

 **Lilypaw:**

 **Flamepaw's sister. She is a white and tortoiseshell she-cat. Even more of a whack-job with her brother, as she tries to hit him with a car and shoot him twice in the series.**

 **Firestar:**

 **The irritating presenter who'll just announce random awards for Silverpaw's behaviour.**

 **Bluestar:**

 **Hates spam.**

 **Brokenstar:**

 **Offers Home Economics lessons to less fortunate cats. Silverpaw breaks his face more than once because of this.**

 **Leafsky:**

 **The owner of Kitty Rollerskating Rink, kinda obsessed when it comes to skating.**

 **Bluefoot:**

 **The cat who literally lives in the office next to Silverpaw's. Has not seen natural sunlight in 17 moons.**

 **Cody:**

 **A rogue that thinks it is funny to stuff people in boxes full of cake and send them to their own birthdays.**

 **Dapplekit:**

 **Silverpaw's father's friend's kit, who was forced to come on the show to gain positive reviews.**

 **Crookedstar:**

 **Speaks with a Spanish accent for some reason and thinks that everything is spaghetti. Silverpaw's Dad is super protective of her (not)**

 **The black and the black-not-so-black cats:**

 **They work for ThunderClan and tried to use Silverpaw in their own TV show when she was a kit, called "Kidnappers' Got Talent." That's why they know her name.**

 **xxcloudkitxx and olgaisstuckinthebookcase1:**

 **Just some random YouTube posters (xxcloudkitxx is Cloudkit obviously, and olgaisstuckinthebookcase1 was a random brainwave.**

 **Princess:**

 **Cloudkit's mother, does not care about her poor son who had a problem with facial surgery and looks like Justin Beiber attached to a white cat's body.**


	2. PART 1 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

**Stalker and Crazy Dad:**

"Are you serious," snapped Silverpaw. "This is like the third time today you've tried to put me in a car. Go away!"

"Damn you Silverpaw! How do you always know when it's me?" yowled Flamepaw. "I put _tint_ on my windows and changed the paint and number plate each time!"

"Ugh, I'm smart enough to know that if my dad's stupid Subaru isn't there, then I should get the hell out of there. Simple. Unless you had a car identical to my Dad's, I'd beat you up."

"Hmm… exactly the same car," muttered Flamepaw, rolling the window up.

"Goodbye, nice knowing you," muttered Silverpaw, and slammed the car door shut in his face.

"Ow, did you have to be that literal? I think you just broke my nose!"

"Too bad. Get lost! Stalker…"

Silverpaw leapt over the ferns that concealed her own secret way to the RiverClan camp. Crookedstar was waiting for her.

"Mamma mi, my girl, what you been doing?"

"Nothing…"

"Explain why there is spaghetti on your head!"

"Oh this, it's just…"

"Your IPod? Beautiful! Marvelous! Exquisite!"

"Um, thanks Dad, gotta go."

 _I think I prefer talking to Flamepaw the stalker_


	3. PART 2 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

PART 2:

Silverpaw raced up to her Dad's car and got in.

"Hey Dad," she mewed. "Warrior training sucked today. My stalker was there aga- _Flamepaw_ why have you got a mask of my Dad's on your face?"

"Ha! Masks work! Lilypaw was right!"

"Is that your sister?"

"Yep. Give me her cell.

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

Silverpaw called cat65829-"That's a really weird number, Flamepaw"-and waited.

"Hello? Hello? Who is this?"

"Hi, I'm Silverpaw, and your crazy brother has kidnapped me. Get me out of here!"

"I'm afraid I can't help you there."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't have a car or a gun."

"Oh, that makes perfect sense, you _shooting_ your brother! Phsyco!" Silverpaw hung up.

"There is something wrong with your sister, you know," she sighed.

"Yep," was all Flamepaw could say; he was concentrating so hard on the path that Silverpaw decided to break it.

"Meepmeepmepmepmep! Meepmeepmeep! Ahhhhhhh!" she screamed.

"Woah," Flamepaw screeched, veering off the path. "Why the hell would you do that?!"

A river was fast approaching.

"And why are there so many rivers in your territory?!"

Silverpaw shrugged and continued screaming for her life.

"Jump!" she yowled at the last moment.

"Why?!"

"Just trust me!"

"No! I'll hit my head on the roof! Is this a joke to you?!"

Silverpaw sighed. Flamepaw was an idiot.

"No, I meant " _jump out through the door, you moron"_!"

They jumped, rolling in brambles as the car splashed in the river.

"And why is there a tranquiliser gun on the front seat? You didn't even need it!" snapped Silverpaw.

Suddenly two black cats jumped out of the bushes opposite them. They had a car with them.

"Oh, this is definitely Dad's car, there are two warriors here to escort me to my _life_. Bye."

The oldest of the two cats meowed, "Yes get in the car, totally safe, we're not about to shoot you will a tranquiliser."

"Guys you know that it's not wise to say what you're about to do in a way that suggests you apparently won't," mewed Flamepaw.

"Get in the car, lady!" the cat snapped at Silverpaw.

"Are you crazy? No way!" They pushed Silverpaw in the car.

"Ow…" Oh, Flamepaw just tried to save her and got shot with a tranquiliser. Classic.

"Hey, it's not nice to shoot tranquilisers like that! But he's annoying, please don't bring him along on the kidnapping."

"This is classic villain; he's seen too much, he's coming with us.

"Dammit!" yelled Silverpaw. "Worst day ever!"

A few minutes later, the kidnappers pulled onto the highway, Silverpaw strapped to the backseat with her seat-belt. She wasnervously twitching. Flamepaw was strapped to the top of the car with duct tape, drooling. She knew he was drooling because she could see it sliding down the window she was beside. Suddenly Silverpaw couldn't bare it anymore.

"Eugh!" she screamed.

The two black cats hopped out to try and stop her escaping.

"Make him stop drooling!"

"We can't."

"Move me to the front."

"No, Silverpaw."

"Bake pop-tarts?"

The cats stared at each other and said in unison, "You know what, I'm hungry let's go do a Home Economics lesson with Brokenstar. Look, there he is now! Brokenstar, teach us how to cook!"

Another few minutes later, Silverpaw was strapped to the car's roof with sparkly purple duct tape- "Don't ask where we got this from". She had asked anyway, so they had strapped her to the roof- Her muzzle was taped shut. Trapped. Watching upside-down as Brokenstar taught them how to make pop tarts from the recipe he stole from ThunderClan. She heard everything. Idiots…

"Hey, I didn't eat the mouse, and the sausage has the Flamepaw meep ahh car crash," muttered Flamepaw. He was still half asleep.

Silverpaw tried to bite through the duct tape. Incidentally, one of the kidnappers came to the car to get sugar and taped her muzzle shut with even more duct tape.

"Mouse-dung," she cursed, but it sounded more like, "Mooduh." Don't ask.

 _Great effort though._

The kidnappers came back after half an hour with pop tarts. Silverpaw had finally managed to get the duct tape off by trying to open her mouth and stretching it. Her plan had worked. Now her teeth had bitten through the rest of the duct tape, and she was clinging to the roof.

As soon as they entered the car, she screeched, heading for them. Then she scented the air and caught a whiff of the pop tarts and collapsed onto them instead, stuffing her face.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "But I love pop-tarts."

"No one touches our pop tarts!" screeched the black but less black looking cat.

And they shot her with the tranquiliser gun.

"Dammit are you serious mepbep eh dfsrhmhmv," she murmured, falling asleep.


	4. PART 3 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

**PART 3:**

"Hello? Hello? Dammit Flamepaw's still here."

"Hi. I'm your friendly neighbourhood stalker."

"I live in a forest."

"And so do tonnes of other cats, so it's a neighbourhood."

"You moron, we're Clans. Shadowclan cats are so dumb."

"And spoilt Clan leader's daughters are so rude," said a new voice, breaking into their argument.

"My name is Greypaw, I am from ThunderClan, and I am guarding the cell you are in."

"Um no you're not, you're just staring at us."

Silverpaw was filming the conversation secretly. This ThunderClan apprentice knew nothing about taking cats hostage. It would be a huge hit on YouTube.

She texted Crookedstar.

 _Hey Dad, my stalker kidnapped me today. I made his car crash. Then two black cats appeared, shot Flamepaw with a tranquiliser dart and pushed me in their car. Then they stuck me to the roof with sparkly purple duct tape. I saw Brokenstar cooking and ate pop-tarts. Now I'm in ThunderClanbeing held prisoner xoxo Plz get me out._

Crookedstar was always prepared for texts like these, he was the champion.

 _Hey baby girl! Hang in there, I'll just send a threat to Bluestar's computer, then maybe a patrol xoxo be there soon._

"Omg my dad's on his way, he's about to spam Bluestar, you better watch out!" mocked Silverpaw.

"Oh, sure," muttered Greypaw.

Suddenly a screech sounded from the Highrock.

"Oh no, Bluestar only does that when she gets spammed! How did you know, you phantom?!"

"I have life skills. You do not. There."

Flamepaw said, "Hey can we trade places, Silverpaw seems to be enjoying your company more, can we switch bodies or something?"

"Sure thing," meeped Greypaw.

"Really? Cats can actually do that?"

"No! Go away you creep, what is it with you and this stupid cat."

"I'm done. Go away and shut up," snapped Silverpaw, then murmured, "Oh, this'll be big on YouTube.

She titled it "Bluestar is Crazeh" and waited for the comments to show up.

The first comment was from xxcloudkitxx:

 _Omg Blustrs so dmb she cant tk spam trololol gr8 job xxsilverpawxx 3 your vid do mre vns r cool._

All she could say was, "Why is Princess's son on YouTube? He can't even read!"

Another comment showed up from olgaisstuckinthebookcase1:

 _Olga is stuck in ze bookcase._

She knew what she had to say. She replied:

 _OLGA YOU CAN'T EVEN READ._

 _Spam 3_

Suddenly there was another screech. "Cloudkit! How dare you say those things about me on the internet?! Get the hell out of my Clan!"

Silverpaw chuckled. She loved antagonising ThunderClan cats, but they never took it well, so it was hilarious.

"I will personally rip out the throat of the toerag who posted this video! Come on, who did it?"

Silverpaw gulped.

(This is also how Bluestar truly went mad :P Remember, this is a comedy)


	5. PART 4 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

**PART 4:**

"So let me get this straight," mewed Silverpaw. "You tripped over a mouse, fell down two flights of stairs and smashed through a window?"

Flamepaw shook his head.

"But you just said! And shouldn't you be in hospital?"

"No, I said I tripped over a woodlouse, everyone stared, the show was ruined, I had a shower and strung my paw to you."

Silverpaw looked down and sighed. No wonder her paw had been feeling numb. The silver grey fur was parted by a length of rope. She had not noticed, and now she was mad.

"Cease these shenanigans," she yowled. "I am sick of you tying parts of your body to parts of my body, it's just weird! I think I'd prefer your sister to be my creepy friend."

"Really?" asked Lilypaw. "Yes!"

Flamepaw hid his face behind a stack of paper.

By now, an unknown cat had crept into the office. "Hey guys it's me Brokenstar, do you want a Home Economics lesson?"

"Ahhh!" Silverpaw screamed, pushing him out of the room and slamming the door in his face.

A yowl came from Brokenstar.

"You scare me sometimes Silverpaw that is the second time you've been a little too literal."

"And there we have it folks, Silverpaw had just won the "Be literal twice in 24 hours award!""

"Why are you in this office, Firestar?" she shouted. "He is the worst host ever," she muttered to Flamepaw, who was still hiding behind the stack of papers because Lilypaw had found her gun.

"Dammit Silverpaw, watch out she's got a gun."

Silverpaw nodded. Then she rushed at Lilypaw, knocked her down, and took the gun.

"You three are crazy," she meowed at Firestar, Lilypaw and Flamepaw.

Brokenstar opened the door and said, "Does that include me?"

Without looking, Silverpaw slammed the door shut in his face, breaking his entire face, then locked the door. "No!"

As Brokenstar screeched in pain, Firestar said, "Well done, Silverpaw has just won the slam a door in a cat's face 3 times in life" well done Sil-"

"Ugh! Stop it!"

"Sorry."

"Okay, can you guys just get out now?"

"Fine, but first let me say something. You have just won the "Be rude to the ThunderClan leader award!""

Silverpaw hissed in exasperation.

"Please, Silverpaw, don't let them leave the show," mewed a small voice from inside a draw.

Silverpaw went to open it. "Dapplekit what the hell are you doing in here?"

"Crookedstar told me to find you and give you this."

Dapplekit held up a can of spaghetti. The silver host we know well shook her head.

"Crookedstar sends me a can of spaghetti instead of coming to find me? Classic Dad. I still love you though, spaghetti rocks!"

She began to stuff her face. It was so good. Canned for a year probably, but who cared.

"Oh, I feel sick!" she growled.

"Quick, give me the gun before Lilypaw gets it," squeaked Dapplekit. "I am a helper on the show now right."

"Sure thing. Now give the gun to Flamepaw, "Silverpaw murmured. She felt super uncomfortable. "My Dad can be pretty dumb when it comes to expiration dates."

"Which Flamepaw?! They all look the same!" yowled Dapplekit.

"Give it to the one on your right. No, not Firestar, yes, that's it."

"Ha! Masks work!" screeched Lilypaw, pulling off her Flamepaw mask.

"Gurl, you gotta tell me your secret to having so many masks. It's awesome, but please don't shoot us."

And Lilypaw fired at Flamepaw. "Dammit, picked up the tranquiliser instead of the real thing when I rushed out that door this morning!"

Flamepaw collapsed, making sounds like a moose. Lilypaw raced out of the building and into the carpark. Silverpaw could see her trying to start the engine. While Lilypaw was preoccupied, the silver host grabbed her cell and checked it. There was a text from Crookedstar, and a YouTube post from olgaisstuckinthebookcase1.

She read Crookedstar's message:

 _Hey baby girl, just wanted to tell you that you'll be getting your warrior name. I picked it for you. Silverspaghetti, meet back at RiverClan camp by 7:00pm xoxo_

She replied:

 _Dammit Dad, spaghetti isn't silver, and I'm not ready for my name. I've only been training for two moons! I'm kinda in a spot of trouble with my stalker's sister, she's trying to shoot him. I'll be back by 9pm maybe xoxo love you._

Silverpaw ignored the second message and turned back to where Flamepaw was still mooing. Lilypaw had returned, and was now being stalled by Dapplekit.

"Do you have fire in the future?"

"No."

"Are there flying cars in the future?"

No."

"Do they have rainbows in the future?"

" _No_! Now get out of my way, Dapplekit!"

"Sorry. Oh we're in the future now, have flying cars been invented _now_?"

Lilypaw sighed, pushed the annoying kit out of the way, aimed her gun, and was pushed into a box full of cake by a brown tabby tom.

"Oh this cake is delicious _ohmygod_ help get me out of here who put me in this box?!"

"Happy birthday!" yelled the stranger who had stuffed her into the box.

"Oh my god someone remembered it was my birthday!"

"Yep, time to go to your party!"

"What, I didn't pay for this service!"

And they somehow Disapparated, Harry Potter style, ending up in Knockturn Alley.

The gang saw it all unfold on the plasma TV in their office.

"This is the second time I've gone to Knockturn Alley today. What is happening?!" Lilypaw screamed.

"Nothing much, Dapplekit's just found a flying car. _Your_ flying car. You lied to a kit! Goodbye Lilypaw, come back at 8pm okay, just cool off."

"Wee," squealed Dapplekit, running over Cinderpaw, breaking her leg.

"This is why you don't let kits steal flying cars," muttered Silverpaw.

That's why Cinderpaw became a medicine cat. Tigerstar was innocent. A kit was to blame.


	6. PART 5 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

**PART 5:**

"Woah, this place is amazing!" whispered Flamepaw.

"Too right," murmured Lilypaw, looking up in wonder. "It makes me want to run you over with my car."

Silverpaw snapped her head around and glared at Flamepaw's creepy sister.

"And Silverpaw's just won the "Harsh glare award", wow, isn't she a pro, we should get to know he-"

"Shut up, Firestar, no one asked you," meowed Dapplekit.

"And Dapplekit's just won the "Most insulting kit of the year award!" oh she-"

"Shut up Firestar," yelled everyone. Firestar shut up.

"This place is amazing," Flamepaw repeated. "Embrace it, Firestar."

"Okay, meowed the annoying leader. He went right up to the building and hugged it.

"I am embracing you, Kitty Rollerskating Rink!"

They entered the blue and pink building, leaving Firestar hanging to a pole twenty metres in the air.

"Guys? A little help? Please?" he asked.

They ignored him, gazing around.

Cloudkit was in the small rink, his mother Princess teaching him to skate without actually helping him, saying things like:

"No no, Cloudkit, you're supposed to glide, not face-plant! Why are you wearing two pairs of skates? You only need one pair!"

Or:

"Omg Silverpaw I'm your biggest fan! I'll just leave my son to be humiliated and come talk to you."

"No no no, go help your son. I think he smashed into Bluestar."

"Oh no, remember when Cloudkit posted the "thing" about Bluestar on YouTube. You better go save your son, Princess."

Bluestar was hissing at Cloudkit's pretty-boy face, and Cloudkit was saying, "My plastic surgery to become Justin Beiber went horribly wrong, so I look exactly like the cat you are after, but are not him."

"Get out!" Bluestar spat, swiping at Cloudkit and sending the stupid kit flying across the rink and onto the carpet.

Cloudkit mewed his thanks mockingly and cheesed it out of the rink. Vamoosh. Princess followed him, falling down the stairs to the carpark and breaking her leg. They just left her there.

"Hey, hey, break it up Bluestar, I know you're upset about that video, but you gotta keep living!"

Bluestar sighed. "I know, Leafsky. I just can't help it. That kit betrayed me, I feel like going after Firestar while he's being chased by a pack of wild dogs. I don't know why…"

Screeches sounded from outside. Firestar was still hanging onto the pole he had embraced, but no there were five dogs waiting for him.

"Oooooooh! Derp, that's my cue to commit suicide. Toodle-loo," squealed Bluestar, ripping off her skates and falling down the stairs because Princess was still there with a broken leg.

Suddenly Bluestar was climbing the pole that Firestar was on. He growled at her and pushed her off.

"SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE!" he screeched, before jumping into a window in the upper levels of Kitty Rollerskating Rink.

Silverpaw gaped at the host.

"Firestar! Pushing cats off poles kills them!"

"I know, I had to save myself."

"What a creep you are."

Dapplekit was slurping a slushy from the bar.

"Where did you get that, Dapplekit?"

"I used your credit card, Silverpaw. Thank you! Free food is the best!"

"That was not free food!"

"Oh."

"Stupid kit. Why did they let you onto the show?!"

"Meep."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. You're supposed to give us positive reviews. My bad. Steal my credit card anytime!"

"Thank you Silverpaw."

Leafsky coughed. She held up five pairs of skates. "It costs four dollars per session, plus two dollars for renting the skates."

Everyone was looking expectantly at Silverpaw.

"Fine," she muttered. "Go wild with the skating."

Flamepaw mewed in excitement, putting on his skates, as did Lilypaw. Dapplekit was too young to skate, so went to the pub down the road to arm wrestle and do some serious trash talk.

"I will never skate. Never!" yowled Firestar, so the others rolled over him until he said, "Alright, alright I'll skate. Creeps!"

As Silverpaw was walking up to the big rink where the best skaters were, a love song started playing. Flamepaw skated up to her and asked quietly, "Would you like to skate with me?"

Silverpaw gently took his paw and flipped him over. It was easier because he had skates on. "I only see you as a friend, Flamepaw, and why the hell is this song playing, we're not in America!"

She slid over to the boom box and changed the song to heavy metal. "Much better".

"DINGDINGDINGDINGDING, that was a harsh display by Silverpaw!" Leafsky screamed into the microphone, while pressing a button that said "press this button to hear the sound 'ding'". "Feeling rejected is the worst thing ever, Flamepaw. Live with it, you'll find a lady soon, maybe an elder?"

"Damn you!" Lilypaw meowed at Flamepaw. "She was so close to breaking your worthless heart!"

Flamepaw took the opportunity of Lilypaw gloating to push a fridge on top of her.

"Hey! Get me out from under here!" her voice sounded muffled.

The aqua blue rink floor was sucking the noise up.

"Great job Flamepaw!" squeaked Dapplekit from behind.

She had just come back from the pub, hauling Firestar by his ears. "He snuck out of the rink, got drunk and tried to get three chicks-Spottedleaf, Cinderpaw and Sandstorm home with him-and it didn't work.

*Well duh Dapplekit, Firestar loves she-cats, he's a male, what do you expect a wild cat to do? He probably has another 16 girlfriends in ThunderClan.*

"Oh, and that's time. The end of this show. Bye!" meeped Silverpaw. "No seriously it's the end, get me out of here Leafsky is scaring me. How obsessed can you get over skating?!"

Leafsky was on the professional rink, flipping over, and jumping into the air.

"You know what let's go," meowed the stalker. "Can we leave my sister here?"

Silverpaw shoved him under the fridge with his sister.

You two should try and get along.


	7. PART 6 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

**PART 6:**

The dirty van manoeuvred among the oak trees of ThunderClan's forest. The cats inside were playing Monopoly, trying to entertain themselves during the long trip.

"I'm bankrupt!" squeaked Dapplekit, throwing down her money in anger and passing it to Silverpaw.

"Ha!" Silverpaw screeched in triumph, frightening the driver and almost causing him to crash into a large oak that appeared at of a portal right at that moment. "I'm unbeatable!"

"Uh, Silverpaw, I think you're getting a little too obsessed with Monopoly again," meowed Flamepaw.

Silverpaw noticed his irritation and took the opportunity to cuff him around the ears. "I can't help loving Monopoly!"

Firestar choked back a snort, and then for once, asked seriously, "What's the plan? We've got to rescue Lilypaw. Flamepaw, you're the reason I'm stuck in this van with _Leafsky_ as the driver, and you guys know that Leafsky can't drive!"

"Hey!" protested Leafsky. "I only crashed the van once, and it killed Princess. All good."

"We survived because _I_ was heading for a L'Oréal ad. What was the slogan again?"

"Because you're worth it," said Dapplekit.

"Exactly! It was worth it for me to live."

"Shut up," mewed Flamepaw.

*DINGINGDINGDINGDINGDI-*

"Dapplekit, stop pressing the button "press this button to hear the sound 'ding'!"

 _Why did Leafsky even call it that_ , wondered Silverpaw.

"Silverpaw and co., Silverpaw and co., we're coming towards the ThunderClan barrier!"

"Push right through it," growled Flamepaw. "I hate my sister, but I like it when she tries to kill me."

"Bruh, you must be crazeh," scoffed Firestar.

"No cat asked you!" everyone snapped.

Firestar mewed, "And that's the "Whole group of presenters being mean to Firestar award" they are so co-"

Silverpaw whacked him on the head with her hunting-moose-season traquiliser. The darts were too precious to be used on a cat like Firestar.

"Better?"

"Better."

"Snickers! Can I have one?" meowed Dapplekit.

The silver host had suddenly tried to produce a packet of chocolate without the others noticing, but now their eyes were all trained on her.

Silverpaw "accidently" shot Dapplekit with a tranquiliser. "No Snickers here."

Dapplekit mumbled something weird and fell off the Monopoly table.

Silverpaw began stuffing her face secretly. Her birthday chocolate happened to be delicious. Crookedstar sure knew what she loved.

The oak trees were difficult to drive around, but Leafsky, managed, only running down two cats and ruining all herb supplies in ThunderClan. Then the radar started making a MEEPBEEPMEEPBEEP sound.

"Alright, guys, we're approaching Lilypaw, the radar's beeping like crazy."

"Why did you program the sound to say MEEPBEEPMEEPBEEP?"

"Why did we put a tracking device on Lilypaw?"

"Pop tarts."

Firestar had woken up from the noisy commotion. While everyone else wasn't looking, Silverpaw banged the gun down on his head again.

"Hey, we're approaching the cliff. Leafsky, slow down," commanded Flamepaw. "You've already fallen into the old forest's ravine twice, let's play it safe this time."

Leafsky slowed the car, stopping it in the training clearing. She ran over Cherrypaw and Molepaw. The smooth purring of the engine was cut. Flamepaw and Silverpaw packed away the Monopoly and left Dapplekit on a cushion and Firestar stuck to the roof with sparkly purple duct tape that Silverpaw had nicked from the black and black-not-so-black cats.

"Leafsky, you've only killed four cats today. You're fired," meowed Flamepaw.

"What the hell Flamepaw, she's killed four cats. Of course she is fired, but we've gotta send her off only once the show's done. Your sister, although weird and phsyco, comes first," yelled Silverpaw.

There was a sudden boom in the distance, followed by a screech. As it came closer, Brackenfur leapt out of a huge bramble thicket.

"There is a weird physco female ShadowClan apprentice trying to run over me!" he screamed, panting as he jumped for an oak trunk.

"And that's Lilypaw for you, my senpai," meowed Silverpaw.

A dark grey Mitsubishi crashed through the undergrowth. Lilypaw was inside it. She laughed like a maniac.

"This tawny brah was trying to guard me, but I stole his Mitsubishi, so now I'm playing tag with him," she explained.

"Oh, he's, um he's used the Dapplekit teleporter I built. Probably down at the pub right now, yeah," mumbled Flamepaw.

Lilypaw ran over Flamepaw. "Thanks brah."

For some reason, he hadn't been turned into a pancake. Silverpaw stared at Flamepaw. He stared back and shrugged. "She drove right at me, but I became a-"

"And Flamepaw's just won the "Managed to flatten himself without dying award"! Oh I would have thought Dapplekit would have won that or been the cause bu-"

And an anvil landed on his head.

"What is happening?!" screamed the king of drama.

"Well, I woke up-"

"uh huh."

"I crawled out of the van-"

"Mmm."

"I slapped Leafsky in the face-"

"Nice."

"And I grabbed an anvil-"

"Yeah?"

"And I threw it at Firestar."

"Well done, Dapplekit. Want a fish?" offered Flamepaw.

" _I hate fish_! Everybody dies!" she screamed.

She threw a cow at Silverpaw, but the silver apprentice dodged it and the beefy thingamajig hit Flampaw instead.

"What's up with _her_ today?" he mumbled. "She's a RiverClan cat, I thought she loved fish!"

Brackenfur was still up in the tree, disguised as a very cat-like branch. "Just because you're in RiverClan doesn't always mean you like fish. My babe, Sorreltail, ate some fish and she thought it was awesome, even though we're in ThunderClan."

"So you could hate it in RiverClan," Silverpaw concluded. "Quick, steal some honey from Leafpool and see what happens," she yowled at Leafsky.

Leafsky ignored her. The creepy KRR owner was slumped on the floor with an atomic bomb attached to her. Dapplekit had an activation code. "I'm gonna blow ThunderClan sky-high for trying to make me eat fish."

"Dapplekit, that's kinda harsh," meowed Leafsky.

"Will someone please go and rob Leafpool?!" shrieked Silverpaw.

"There's no time!" yowled Flamepaw.

"Want a Home Economics lesson?" asked Brokenstar, who randomly appeared from behind a van.

Silverpaw punched his muzzle inwards. He screamed, "Happy birthday!" and ran away to ShadowClan territory.

"That guy just won't leave you alone, huh? I have the perfect solution!" crowed a new voice.

It was the tom who had stuffed Lilypaw into a box full of cake and taken her to Knocktun Alley.

"Dapplekit! _Happy Birthday_!" he screamed, and grabbed the angry kit by her small tail.

"Dude, what is your problem?"

"Mah problem is: it's your birthday!"

"No it's not," mewed Dapplekit. "My birthday's not in eight moons!"

"Oh. But I will celebrate the fact that you are four moons old today! Happy fourth moon!"

"Thanks, can I go now?"

"Nope."

The tom pushed Dapplekit into a cardboard box labelled 'cake'.

Silverpaw stared at the tom.

"What?" he shrugged. "That's Cody for y'all."

Dapplekit was in heaven in the box.

"Oh my god this cake is so good, is it rum cake with honey centre?"

"Yeah."

Silverpaw ignored their conversation and absent-mindedly took out her phone and called Crookedstar.

"Yo Dad, I think you're going to get a treat out of this. Dapplekit just tried to blow up ThunderClan! How awesome is that?!"

"Mamma mi, I'm so proud of her! Just like her grandmother, always a tough cookie trying to blow up spaghetti!"

"Yeah…"

"Oooh, I must go, my child. Tallstar is asking why I am in his camp. Bye my baby."

"Bye."

Silverpaw hung up, then turned to face Cody. "So where you gonna send her?"

"I dunno, somewhere." And with that, he grabbed the box, shot a fireball at Brackenfur and Disapparated.

"Leafsky! Get that atomic bomb off your back and check the van's radar! Where are Lilypaw and Dapplekit?"

Leafsky muttered something inaudible and climbed inside the van.

"Lilypaw's coming back! Brackenfur should be worried, she's coming in fast. Dapplekit and Cody have teleported into Minecraft. We'll have to ask Bluefoot to get them out." Leafsky mewed.

"Who the hell is Bluefoot?"

"He has the office next to yours."

"Never heard of him."

"Really? He's been there for almost two years!"

"Leafsky, you're still fired, y'know, so you're going to have to leave, it's almost the end of the show."

Leafsky wiped away a tear and climbed back out of the dirty machine. Silverpaw hopped inside and said, "I'll drive now. Everyone get in, we have to get Lilypaw."

Suddenly the radar was MEEPBEEPMEEPBEEP-ing madly. Brackenfur's stolen Mitsubishi leapt out of a bramble thicket, pulverising the tree Brackenfur was still clinging to and coming to rest right next to the van. Lilypaw got out.

"Hey guys, did you find Brackenfur, he's so good at hiding. I think I ran over Mousefur, but otherwise I avoided killing everyone."

(THAT'S HOW MOUSEFUR'S SHOULDER WAS DISLOCATED FOR REALS BRUH)

"Lilypaw, just get in the van, Cody's kidnapped Dapplekit, we gotta ask Bluefoot to zap us into Minecraft."

"Who's Bluefoot?"

"Never mind for now, just come on."

And with that, than van backed up, ran over Brackenfur-"Woo hoo!" shouted Lilypaw-and sped towards the studio/office.


	8. PART 7 THE SILVERPAW SHOW TEASER

**PART 7:**

"Seriously, your office has been next to Bluefoot's and you've never seen him before?" exclaimed Flamepaw.

"Basically," mewed Silverpaw. "Well, let's go and meet him!"

They climbed the snake to the top floor-"hiss," it spat-and stopped in front of an office that felt as though it hadn't been there before, even though it had. Firestar knocked on the door.

"Firestar you stole my moment, it was gonna be great," exclaimed the silver host as she punched Firestar in the stomach.

He lay on the _cold hard terracotta tiled ground, oh_ , winded, as Bluefoot opened the door. Silverpaw gaped. Bluefoot looked cold and lifeless. Well, he was a computer geek and his fur was bleached to such a pale grey that he looked like he hadn't been outside for seventeen moons.

Bluefoot saw them looking at his deathly appearance and said, "I haven't been outside for seventeen moons."

The gang minus Dapplekit nodded. Flamepaw mewed, "Hey, because you're a computer geek, can you help us get Dapplekit out of Minecraft? This rogue called Cody thought it would be fun to put her in there, so yeah, please help."

"And I've been here since the Silverpaw Show started and you haven't noticed me?" he asked.

"Um, no, we're really sor-"

"Excellent! No one saw me! All right, come in and I'll help you."


	9. PART 7 THE SILVERPAW SHOW FULL

**Hey guys, Disa here! Sorry this chapter took so long to post, Microsoft wouldn't save, and I had to keep re-typing. I also had little time because of school, pets starving, etc. I didn't have very much inspiration either. Please keep reading the series, hope you enjoy!**

PART 7:

"Seriously, your office has been next to Bluefoot's and you've never seen him before?" asked Flamepaw.

"Basically," mewed Silverpaw. "Well, let's go and meet him!"

They climbed the snake to the top floor-"hiss," it spat-and stopped in front of an office that felt as though it hadn't been there before, even though it had. Firestar knocked on the door.

"Firestar you stole my moment, it was gonna be great," exclaimed the silver host as she punched Firestar in the stomach.

He lay on the _cold hard terracotta tiled ground, oh_ , winded, as Bluefoot opened the door. Silverpaw gaped. Bluefoot looked cold and lifeless. Well, he was a computer geek and his fur was bleached to such a pale grey that he looked like he hadn't been outside for seventeen moons.

Bluefoot saw them looking at his deathly appearance and said, "I haven't been outside for seventeen moons."

The gang minus Dapplekit nodded. Flamepaw mewed, "Hey, because you're a computer geek, can you help us get Dapplekit out of Minecraft? This rogue called Cody thought it would be fun to put her in there, so yeah, please help."

"And I've been here since the Silverpaw Show started and you haven't noticed me?" he asked.

"Um, no, we're really sor-"

"Excellent! No one saw me! All right, come in and I'll help you."

Silverpaw stared at Flamepaw in astonishment, then padded inside the room. Firestar, Lilypaw and her brother walked in after her.

"It's really dark in here," mumbled Flamepaw. "What have you been doing?"

"I've been trying to hack into the ThunderClan database to get a date with Bluestar. I heart her so much!"

 _Stalker alert_ , thought Silverpaw.

"No wonder you have been here for seventeen moons," mewed Lilypaw. "Bluestar's password is impossible to crack. Only I have done it myself."

"What the hell Lilypaw, you've hacked Bluestar?! How?!" exclaimed Flamepaw. "You're an idiot."

"I just typed the most obvious password and I somehow got in. Then I made a YouTube account called olgaisstuckinthebookcase1."

"That was you?" mewed Silverpaw. "Lol. I said olga you can't even read. Then Bluestar was hating on me."

"What is Bluestar's password?" asked Bluefoot.

"Simple. It's "password"."

"Are you kidding me?! I have been trying to crack that since I was 48 moons old!"

"How old are you now?"

"65 moons."

"Brah, Bluestar's too old for you. By the way, I killed her," interrupted Firestar.

Bluefoot looked as though he might cry, then mewed, "Oh well, Willowpelt's next."

Silverpaw shook her head, then proceeded to say her demand slash question.

"Will you slash will you not get Dapplekit out of Minecraft? You are the only one who plays it."

"What are the options? Will I slash will I not get paid?"

"Crookedstar will probably pay you slash tell you off for talking to me."

"Oh yes, he's after Willowpelt on my list."

 _…_ _Dot. Wow._

"I'll help, okay, just get me on a date with Crookedstar or Willowpelt."

"You creepy bisexual brah-man!" exclaimed Flamepaw.

Bluefoot ignored him and meowed, "Let's get into it."

He turned on his Xbox360. The room was lit up with a faint white glow as it fired up. Bluefoot looked completely accustomed to the white glare. Silverpaw hissed in exasperation. "Hurry it up, Crookedstar'll kill me if the show goes down!"

Bluefoot hissed back at her and continued playing the Xbox360 opening that was actually a YouTube video. He was eating a Tim Tam.

Silverpaw was shuffling her paws in anxiety. Flamepaw noticed and stole the remote from Bluefoot, then crossed off the video and got to the main page.

"Hey, Grand Theft Auto is being advertised, let's buy it," yelled Lilypaw.

Silverpaw hit her in the chest with a tranquiliser and mouthed _no_ before Lilypaw fainted. The silver host stood beside Flamepaw gingerly, not sure what to expect from the stalker as he signed into Minecraft. "I'm using Lilypaw's account."

"Why does she have one and not you? You're a _tom_."

"Because she builds things on there, gets that orange cat and kills it. She's got a lot of ways of killing it. She wants to kill me, and this is the only way she can stop herself."

"O-kay…"

"She even has this thing where zombies are spawned and the cat is torn to pieces-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it."

Silverpaw was staring at the sleeping Lilypaw.

"She's even worse than this computer-geek," she muttered.

"Want a Home Economics lesson?" asked Brokenstar, who'd just flown into the room with a hang glider.

Flamepaw looked expectantly at Silverpaw, and she shoved the dark tom out of the room, slamming the door in his face once again.

"Silverpaw's just won the "Brokenstar award" for slamming the door in his face multiple ti-"

"I don't care, Firestar!"

And she shoved him out of the room and slammed the door in his face as well. Flamepaw nodded evilly.

"Lol," meowed Bluefoot.

"'Hey look, it's Dapplekit! She's a tortoiseshell, there she is! Get her out!" Silverpaw had turned around to see Dapplekit scratching at the screen.

"Help me, help me!" she squeaked. "Lilypaw has been torturing me for the past three hours!"

Bluefoot stared at Dapplekit, then wrote something down on a notepad. Silverpaw snatched it and read the note.

"Dapplekit will be mine when she grows up," Silverpaw read.

Then she punched Bluefoot on his shoulder. "Dude, she is four moons old, leave her alone."

Dapplekit was still scratching at the screen, trying to get to the outside world. "Quick, get me out! Lilypaw's probably thinking of new torture methods!"

Silverpaw sighned and took control of the remote from Flamepaw. "Bluefoot, your call. Get her out."

The pale tom went to the far side of the office, grabbing a strange contraption. "This will zap her out."

He zapped the TV and a pixelated something suddenly disappeared from the screen. Then it reappeared a heartbeat later in front of Bluefoot. He smirked and mewed, "Hey pretty lady."

Dapplekit squeaked in alarm and scratched him on the face. Silverpaw smirked the same smirk he had smirked smirked smirked before. "Thanks Bluefoot, but stop being a woman slash maniser. Come on guys."

And they left them room, where Brokenstar was waiting for them "Do you want a Home Economics lesson on the Titanic? It's perfectly safe."

"Why not," mewed Lilypaw, who had just woken up and was trying to strangle Flamepaw.

They cheesed it out of the studio slash office on hang gliders, Silverpaw trying to stop Lilypaw pushing Flamepaw into the frozen lake. What a ood life!


	10. PART 8 THE SILVERPAW SHOW

**PART 8:**

 ***NOTE: There are random characters from Harry Potter and The Scorch Trials idk what I'm doing lol. Enjoy!**

The air was cold and crisp. There was no sound. Silverpaw was trying to scream but nothing came out, though she felt her vocals working beautifully like a screeching car. Firestar was seated a few seats away from her, stuffing popcorn into his face as he watched the silent screen. Flamepaw was watching the kiss with undisguised envy, casting a quick glance at Silverpaw as he waited for the "magic" to happen. She glared at him sharply and curled her paw into a fist, pointing at his direction. Flamepaw slowly turned away, pretending that it hadn't happened and continued gazing at Noah and Allie.

Firestar had stopped eating the popcorn and was now proceeding to the cookies.

"The Notebook is the best movie ever!" he mouthed to Dapplekit.

Dapplekit nodded and continued to gaze wonderingly at the scene, sitting to Firestar's right and sipping a Slurpee.

Silverpaw tried to speak again, but it was no use; something was wrong with her voice.

Lilypaw was hunched over something, looking worriedly at Silverpaw as she held it. The silver host knew what Lilypaw was doing. She got out her phone and sent Lilypaw a text that read: _TURN OUR VOICES BACK ON RIGHT NOW OR YOU DIE!_

Lilypaw glanced at her and pressed down on something. All of a sudden, the screaming that Silverpaw had been trying to do was now audible. "Let go of my feet! You stupid black and black-not-so-black cats! I am trying to watch a movie here!"

Dapplekit and Flamepaw leapt to their paws, while Lilypaw looked at the love of the film with disgust. Firestar announced another award while stuffing cookies into his ears. "The black and black-not-so-black cats have just won the "kidnap Silverpaw award"! Well do-"

"Hey, it's a movie, Im' trying to watched, shut up!" yowled Silverpaw as she kicked the kidnappers in the face.

The red velvet seat lifted up as Silverpaw squirmed, revealing her tranquiliser. She kicked it aside and mewed, "I think I need a different weapon. Maybe one that tortures them while they're still awake."

"Here ya go," meowed Flamepaw, handing her a Taser.

"Nice one, Flamepaw," meeped Dapplekit.

The kidnappers squalled in alarm as Silverpaw activated the Taser and electrocuted the black-not-so-black cat. The black cat gazed on in shocked as his friend fell to the carpeted theatre floor, then kicked Silverpaw's foot.

"Ouch!" she shrieked.

The weapon clattered slightly as it hit the floor. Firestar took the moment to mention, "Sheep!"

Silverpaw's astonishment gave the black cat a few moments to yell, "Graypaw! Help me! I got her for y'all!"

There was a click of metal and a vent below Silverpaw's chair opened up-"Why is there even a vent below her seat?" squeaked Dapplekit-while the black cat shackled Silverpaw to him.

Graypaw emerged from the vent and grabbed the spitting Silverpaw, pushing her down the metal passageway. All the rest of the gang could do was drop their mouths open. Well, except for Dapplekit, who was drinking vodka and dipping cookies into it, sinking into her seat.

"Want a Home Economics lesson while Silverpaw's not here?" asked Brokenstar.

The presenters stared at him as they realised that they could do what they wanted because Silverpaw was absent. "Let's go."

"Okay, I've got Lionblaze on stand-by in the kitchen. What do you want to cook?"

"Cake-pops," meowed Firestar.

"How about... pop-tarts?" questioned Flamepaw.

"Crystal meth!" shouted Dapplekit.

Brokenstar nodded at them and growled, "Follow me. Everything is ready!"

He led the way out of the cinema. Lilypaw was still staring at the movie with her lip curled up. Not because it was disgusting to see what was happening but because she was making faces at Cloudkit, who, for some reason, was watching a movie inappropriate for his age.

The gang apart from almost half of the presenters exited Cinema 5, passed the usher who was outside for some reason, tasered him, climbed a stairway, went into the carpark, got into the van, hit Honeyfern with a rubber snake through a window and cheesed it out of there. Firestar looked out of the van's rear window to see Berrynose chasing after them like a Crank, then watched him stop as Poppyfrost crossed his path. The cream-coloured tom was gaping at her, taking no notice of the van that just killed Honeyfern in a hit-throw-a-rubber-snake-and-run.

"Poppyfrost, Berrynose has the Flare!" Flamepaw mouthed at her, coming to sit beside Firestar.

Poppyfrost backed away in fear and ran into Newt. She whipped around and stood gaping just like Berrynose. Then she backed away once more and ran into Thomas.

"Why the hell are the Scorch Trials characters here?" exclaimed Dapplekit, watching as the young tortoiseshell she-kit ran into Janson. "Ohh, harsh bruh. There's Janson."

The things they were getting away from were now 2 levels above them, so Dapplekit could no longer see them. As they descended down the carpark, Brokenstar meowed, we're getting closer to the kitchen.

The kitchen was in the basement. The cats leapt out of the van and entered through the concrete door.

"Hey Brokenstar, I was wondering when you'd get back," shouted Lionblaze, stupidly.

"Yeah, we just ran into UFO's and the Silverpaw Show! So excited, they finally realised my talents!"

Lionblaze nodded excitedly, then padded towards the group on high heels. The high heels stabbed holes in the checkered black and white kitchen tiles. Brokenstar signed. It was going to be expensive to fix that.

"Hello hello hello!" shouted a new voice.

"Voldemort, is that you? Thought you were never coming!"

"Yeah, I got stuck in traffic, had to Avada Kedavra a bunch of people and blow up some cars."

"Aww, that's all right! You're here now to meet some of the preseters of The Silverpaw Show! This is Flamepaw, Firestar's the one with cookies in his ears and Dapplekit's chewing cocaine."

Brokenstar gestured to each cat with a flick of his tail. Voldemort looked confused. "Where's Silverpaw? And Lilypaw?"

"Silverpaw just got kidnapped, but we're cooking for now. Lilypaw's still watching the Notebook."

Booms and screams could be heard from above.

"Not anymore," mutered Flamepaw, casting worried glances over his shoulder.

"Okay." Voldemort's black cloak was swept off and he put normal clothes and an apron on.

"Alright guys here are the recipes, cook whatcha want," yelled Brokenstar.

...

Two hours later, they finished cooking. The gang minus Lilypaw and Silverpaw were content. Dapplekit was the happiest of all, sucking on her crystal meth Barbie doll. Flamepaw sighed and took a pop-tart, stuffing it into his face and making sure Lilypaw was not nearby with a flamethrower.

"Let's actually go and rescue Silverpaw," suggested Dapplekit, coming up behind him.

"Yeah," agreed Firestar.


	11. PART 9 THE SILVERPAW SHOW-FINAL-LONG!

**Guys, if you wanted more I'm sorry, but this will be the last episode of The Silverpaw Show. I hope you ENJOYED the series wiith all its randomness and its wacky characters, but I had to end it sooner or later. This entry is a lot longer than most. Thanks for bothering to read this FanFiction. Well, without further ado, I give you the last part of The Silverpaw Show, PART 9!**

 **PART 9:**

"I was her senpai, but I wasn't gonna do all that random stuff with the murdering and all!" moaned Flamepaw. "I miss her. She's probably in ThunderClan right now, with _Graypaw_ , and posting annoying videos about Bluestar. We have to find her!"

Dapplekit sighed. She wasn't really that disappointed about Silverpaw being kidnapped. It was just that the silver apprentice still had her purse and the credit card was inside it.

Firestar was currently with his three chicks, trying to make them reveal where Silverpaw was.

"Hey babes, would you like to come to my house tonight? I got the movies and everything ready! You just gotta tell me where the silver thingo is."

Sanstorm looked as though she was considering, Spootedleaf was looking at the tom with a _ugh but you're so cute_ look and Cinderpaw was scared but envious of the way the two other she-cats could handle the situation.

Flamepaw was sobbing his life away as he ate a huge bowl of ice-cream. Lilypaw had reutrned without trying to kill him and now felt guilty for turning off Silverpaw's voice, which was really weird considering that she had no mercy for her own littermate.

 ***ARE YOU SERIOUS, LILYPAW'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES APART FROM FLAMEPAW, AND SHE IS A MANIAC! I THOUGHT DAPPLEKIT AND FIRESTAR WERE SILVERPAW'S FRIENDS! HARSH.***

Cinderpaw decided she was too young to get involved, but wanted to see the show continue, so she mewed, "Silverpaw's stuffed in an owl hole, like the place where Firestar tricked me. The kidnappers and Graypaw, well, Gray _stripe_ now, he got his warrior name, told the owl that Brokenstar killed Soren, so the owl left and never returned."

"Lol," squealed Firestar. "Cinderpaw's just won the "Tell the Truth Award" for bein-hey, wasn't someone supposed to interrupt me? Oh well, I'll just continue. She won the "Tell the Truth award for being truthful towards the most handsome brah-man in the studio!"

He padded across the twilight room the remaining presenters were stuffed into, also known as Silverpaw's bedroom. Flamepaw was gazing at pictures of Silverpaw and the crew on the walls. Dapplekit was begging Spottedleaf for herbs, hoping that she'd get poppies to make opium.

All of a sudden, Crokkedstar barged in.

"Mamma mi, where is Silverspaghetti?!" he exclaimed.

"You only just noticed that your daughter was gone? And her name is Silver _paw_ , you _dipstick_!" squealed Dapplekit, laughing.

Crookedstar lowered his eyes until they were looking at the trapdoor Silverpaw had put in front of her door for... _sentimental reasons_. Firestar got up and accidently pushed the lever.

"Wrong lever," he meowed, as Crookedstar fell into a bottomless hole infested with caged Gladers.

"Now can we go and get Silverpaw back?!" yelled Flamepaw.

The gang nodded, apart from Firestar, who had trotted back to his chicks. Flamepaw was frustrated, so he gently dropped a blue whale on Firestar to give the clueless tom a hint. He was picking up Silverpaw's attitude quickly. Great...

"Let's just go to the owl hole, get Silverpaw and get a life!" meeped Dapplekit.

"That is a perfect plan," yowled Flamepaw, ignoring the fact that ThunderClan would probably kill them.

They ditched Firestar to the blue whale. His she-cats stayed with him. Well, except for Cinderpaw, who had been taken hostage to show them the tree.

Flamepaw looked crazy as he exited the bramble den. He sped off to the studio's carpark, the others behind him. As he reached the carpark, he whirred the van that had once been Leafsky's into life. "Get in."

Dapplekit was first, spilling her wine all over Lilypaw and Cinderpaw in the process of trying to leap into a van that was too high for her. Cinderpaw backed away, snarling in confusion, while Lilypaw decided she would use this strange drink to kill Flamepaw someday.

Once Cinderpaw had stopped ranting, she reluctantly leapt into the vehicle, carefully watching as Dapplekit played with her empty glass. There was no space for Lilypaw in the van, as Dapplekit had blown off a seat. Therefore, she had to settle with being stuck to the outside of the van with sparkly purple duct tape. She was not amused.

Flamepaw backed out of the parking spot. Dapplekit screamed as her empty glass was knocked out of her paws and out of the van. It hit Lilypaw in the face, which set Cinderpaw off laughing. She began to throw things at Flamepaw's sister.

"Ow!" Lilypaw yowled as she was repeatedly whacked in the face with a tree.

"Stop that right now or I will throw you into the RiverClan gorge!" growled Flamepaw. "I'm getting Silverpaw back, and I will toss all of you to your deaths if you ruin this for me."

Cinderpaw resented being unable to throw stuff at Lilypaw. She had to continue looking at Dapplekit, who had produced a bottle of Fijian alcohol and was trying to knock the gray tabby apprentice out with it.

Flamepaw hissed in exasperation, slamming on the van's brakes and kncoking out both she-cats. Lilypaw could now enjoy herself as she knew they had just been in extreme pain for a heartbeat.

The flame-coloured apprentice continued driving through RiverClan territory, ferociously picking up speed once he had run over Graypool and Leopardfur. He didn't want to be caught in the act by some creep who "enforced the law". That meant his imaginery relationship with Silverpaw would _stay_ imaginery.

*Do you think Silverpaw will fall in love with Flamepaw? Or will she go for Graystripe?*

Flamepaw turned around to ask Cinderpaw a question, then remembered that she was still knocked out, so he thought better of it and produced a mild electric shocker. He would wake Cinderpaw up and force her to show them the way, even if it meant dumping nearly all of his friends in a river that would probably be their death (or beginnings of a relationship if a handsome tom or she-cat came to rescue them).

He stopped the van right at the border between RiverClan and ThunderClan, gently turning around to zap Cinderpaw. As he zapped, her eyes flww wide open and she snarled in alarm.

"You snarl a lot. Can you stop doing that, you look super gross," meowed Flamepaw.

Cinderpaw looked slightly mutinous as he continued.

"Show me where that tree is."

The grey she-cat nodded, then meowed, "It's over there. Within the ThunderClan trees. I can scent a patrol driving past right now."

"Thank you," he meowed to the injured medicine cat apprentice.

He pushed her into a huge hole near the beginning of the ThunderClan forest and said, "Wait here in this sewer that is here for some reason, I'll be back for you, just getting the rest of us."

He unducttaped Lilypaw, and shocked awake Dapplekit. Both she-cats wanted to murder him. He hastily backed off into the trees, where Cinderpaw was waiting. "We'll have to leave them behind. Come on..."

The gray apprentice led Flamepaw into the greenery of the ThunderClan forest. "The owl hole is relatively close to the RiverClan border," she whispered. "Oh look, there it is!"

A tree with a hollowed out hole was waiting in front of them. Graystripe was guarding it. He stood up and curled his lip as the two rescue-attempters.

"You curl your lip a lot. Can you stop doing that, you look super gross," meowed Cinderpaw.

Graystripe ignored her and continued to look threatening for Flamepaw. "Get away from the apprentice, she's mine," he hissed.

"No, I really like her, and even though we're not in the same Clan and even if she rejects me, we can still be friends even if I love her!"

"But what if she wants nothing to do with you? What if she told me to tell you guys to get lost?" the new warrior growled softly.

"She wouldn't!" gasped Flamepaw.

"She already has. Silverpaw, you can climb down now."

The ground seemed to become unstable as Silverpaw climbed down the tree to meet Graystripe. They exchanged a quick word, and touched noses. Flamepaw was extremely jealous. He hadn't managed that out of Silverpaw at their first Gathering, and here she was touching noses with the guy who had ordered her to be kidnapped.

The pretty she-cat walked up to Flamepaw and meowed, "I'm sorry, Flamepaw, but you're really annoying, so go away, I think my kidnapper's more awesome."

Cinderpaw gawked at Silverpaw and meowed, "What an unpleasant she-cat!"

Flamepaw was looking down at his paws as Graystripe led Silverpaw to the border. He and Cinderpaw followed. "See ya tomorrow, babe?"

"You betcha," squealed the silver host. "Oh by the way Flamepaw, I'm quitting the Silverpaw Show."

"That is my favourite show!" yowled Cinderpaw.

"Oh well, we've all lost something today, haven't we?" muttered Flamepaw.

Silverpaw, Graystripe, Cinderpaw and Flamepaw all trotted up to the border, where Graystripe bid a farewell to Silverpaw. The air was alight with awkwardness and depression. "I hope you get your warrior name soon!"

Cinderpaw was reluctant to leave her new friend's side, as he was extremely disappointed. She decided to come with him to the van, where Lilypaw and Dapplekit were waiting with knives. When Silverpaw had been dropped off at her camp, the two apprentices made their way to the vehicle. Firestar, Sandstorm and Spottedleaf had probably left for Firestar's den by now, provided they had managed to move the blue whale. The ThunderClan leader had been so stupid, he had not realised it was a hologram, so surely the she-cats would have?

Before they leapt over the gorge's stepping stones, Cinderpaw turned around and faced Flamepaw. "That she-cat is a horrible one. Why didn't you see that? You're gonna have a hard time gettin' over it, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess," murmured the tom.

"I'll help you get through it, even if we're new to each other. Friends, or more than that?" asked Cinderpaw.

"Friends, or more than that," agreed Flamepaw brightening up.

Cinderpaw purred and pressed her muzzle gently to his. "Btw I was planning to push Silverpaw into the gorge because of this, wanna help?"

"After the way she treated me like dirt, cha!" answered Flamepaw.

They padded off into the sunset towards the van, discussing how they were going to deal with The Silverpaw Show's breakup and how binding a cat to a tree and making the tree lie face-down in water while stabbing her stomach with knives would probably kill her. Just a chance.

 **MOONS LATER: THESE ARE JAYPAW'S TEACHINGS:**

"Wow! What a great story! But what was the point of me sitting her for the entire day listening to you go on and on about a TV show that was on ages ago?" asked Toadkit.

"You've gotta learn that she-cats are freaks and full of mouse-dung so you don't go and date one or let them break your heart, like Silverpaw did to Flamepaw. At least he found Cinderpaw after that."

"So that's the point of this story? Okay thanks. I'll go tell Rosekit she's a scumbag, she's probably dealing drugs with the WindClan kits again."

Jaypaw purred, not with amusement but because cats actually do that when they were in pain. He had been scrunched in a crouch all day to look legendary, but it hurt so much. The purring soothed his shoulders.

Foxpaw suddenly poked his head in the den. "i have girl problems. It's about Ivykit," he began, but Jaypaw snarled at him at scratched at the apprentice, forcing his orange-furred face out of the medicine cat den.

Leafpool came in at that moment with borage in her jaws. "Why the hell would you do that?!"

"Because I'm worth it," growled Jaypaw. "I was not telling the story of unloyal, rude she-cats again!"

"Oooohhh, we got another tom chasing after a cute she-cat? Look out StarClan," she muttered.

Jaypaw turned away from her and let out a soft hiss of satisfaction. Toadkit would never get a mate. He would tell this story only to idiot kits who were dumb enough to believe that all she-cats were as bad as Silverpaw. Then ThunderClan would die out.

 _Hahahahahahahahaha!_

See, look at Jaypaw. He's so evil! It's not just Tigerstar.

AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T GO ALL FLIRTY WITH ALL THE PRETTIEST SHE-CATS.

...

 **THE END**


End file.
